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The Top Ten Books I Will Probably Never Read
1. Anything by Jonathan Franzen.
I'm not sure his books are for me in the first place, but I have so many good things waiting to be read I don't have time for this shit rooster.
2. 50 Shades of Grey.
Just not my bag of ropes.
3. The Bible.
Blasphemy, right? I've read some scripture. I can even quote some (Romans 12:21 is a favorite). Let's just say I have some differences of opinion with the Bible. Plus, that's some hard reading (see #8, below).
1. Be kind. 2. Embrace the different. 3. Defend the defenseless. 4. If for some reason circumstances don't allow you to do 1., 2., or 3., at least don't be a dick. The End. That's my Bible.
4. The Goldfinch.
I am one of the two people on earth that didn't love The Secret History. I would perhaps give The Goldfinch a shot if it weren't 8,000 pages long and people didn't seem to have so much hate for the protagonist. A friend was even nice enough to give me the audiobook and it sits here on my desk and mocks me. Can't seem to pull the trigger.
5. Game of Thrones.
Love the HBO series. Would mostly likely love the books. But I get hives just thinking about one book the length of the dead sea scrolls, there's no way I'm going to take on six (or however many Mr. Martin intends to write).
6. The Night Circus.
There's a clown on that cover, yo.
7. Atlas Shrugged.
No desire, not even to see what all the fuss is about.
8. Crime and Punishment.
This is one of those books on every list of books you should read before you die, before you're 35, before you pass Go and collect $200. Ain't happening. No particular reason. It seems like it would be a lot of work. My actual work requires really hard reading, I don't want to read things for pleasure that require that much effort.
9. Miss Peregrine's Home for Creepy, Not-of-this-World, Levitating Children.
Ok, so I took a few liberties with that title. This book might be great, but I literally judge books by their cover and I'm not touching this one with a ten-foot pole.
10. Kardashian Konfidential.
I really don't have to spell this one out, do I?
11 comments:
I'm 100% with you on 1, 2, 3, 7, and 10. I read The Goldfinch and wished that I didn't. I can't speak for Crime and Punishment, but I felt the same exact way about The Brothers Dostoyevsky and then for some reason decided to read it. It was loooong, but I really enjoyed it, and it was one of those books that feels really good to have read. But it does require some effort - not to understand, just to plow through. I enjoyed The Night Circus, but it was probably overhyped.
RE: #9 - I don't think I'll read it either. It looked gimmicky to me.
My list:
http://www.booksuniverseeverything.com/2015/05/05/the-ten-books-i-will-probably-never-read/
HA. I just had to edit that because I realized I wrote "The Brothers Dostoyevsky"
My list could have included most of yours, Emily. I had to laugh at The Brothers Karamazov, because one of my all-time favorite books is called The Brothers K, and everyone thinks I've read that tome instead. :)
Don't you hate when that happens? And that you can't just let it go? I have that gene, too, so I feel you!
I like your Bible. But I am a Jonathan Franzen fan, esp The Corrections. Some of it v funny. I take it, with your position on The Night Circus, It by Stephen King is also a non-contender?!
I can usually separate artist from art, and if I thought any Franzen was in my wheelhouse it would be Corrections. Just not a real draw for me for some reason, even when it first came out. It's funny, but I don't think the original IT cover had Pennywise on it, did it? I have not read it, however, I'm missing quite a few from SK's backlist. Some day I might catch up!
You are, indeed, the anti-Lolo. :)
"...not my bag of ropes." *snert* I am totally with you on pretty much everything except the Bible--I'm a fan. I got a lot out of Atlas Shrugged and several other Ayn Rand books (hello? What's not to get about The Virtue of Selfishness, right?!), but I think that if a person hasn't read them by, say, age 20, they just shouldn't. Kind of like wearing a miniskirt after 35.
I have read all of the above books just as many times as I've worn a mini-skirt. :) The Rands have always been simply too long for me. I'm surprised I never read them for school, but I was always more science than lit-heavy. Some day you can explain the Bible to me over beverages.
I'm with you on all of these. I can't do series books anymore...too much time invested. And I LOVE your religion...didn't know we were practicing the same one! ;)
Welcome to services sister Marisa! :) I still do series, but it's hard to pick up a new one if I haven't been reading it from the get go. So much (self-induced) pressure to catch up. I do find my series books are falling more and more by the wayside, but there are some I will never give up, they're often a respite from the storm.
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