The Top Ten Books I Will Probably Never Read
1. Anything by Jonathan Franzen.
I'm not sure his books are for me in the first place, but I have so many good things waiting to be read I don't have time for this shit rooster.
2. 50 Shades of Grey.
Just not my bag of ropes.
3. The Bible.
Blasphemy, right? I've read some scripture. I can even quote some (Romans 12:21 is a favorite). Let's just say I have some differences of opinion with the Bible. Plus, that's some hard reading (see #8, below).
1. Be kind. 2. Embrace the different. 3. Defend the defenseless. 4. If for some reason circumstances don't allow you to do 1., 2., or 3., at least don't be a dick. The End. That's my Bible.
4. The Goldfinch.
I am one of the two people on earth that didn't love The Secret History. I would perhaps give The Goldfinch a shot if it weren't 8,000 pages long and people didn't seem to have so much hate for the protagonist. A friend was even nice enough to give me the audiobook and it sits here on my desk and mocks me. Can't seem to pull the trigger.
5. Game of Thrones.
Love the HBO series. Would mostly likely love the books. But I get hives just thinking about one book the length of the dead sea scrolls, there's no way I'm going to take on six (or however many Mr. Martin intends to write).
6. The Night Circus.
There's a clown on that cover, yo.
7. Atlas Shrugged.
No desire, not even to see what all the fuss is about.
8. Crime and Punishment.
This is one of those books on every list of books you should read before you die, before you're 35, before you pass Go and collect $200. Ain't happening. No particular reason. It seems like it would be a lot of work. My actual work requires really hard reading, I don't want to read things for pleasure that require that much effort.
9. Miss Peregrine's Home for Creepy, Not-of-this-World, Levitating Children.
Ok, so I took a few liberties with that title. This book might be great, but I literally judge books by their cover and I'm not touching this one with a ten-foot pole.
10. Kardashian Konfidential.
I really don't have to spell this one out, do I?